By Emma Carson, Staff Writer
A few weeks ago, I began cleaning my room in the middle of the night. I was restless and needed to do something, so naturally I de-hoarded my room starting with my bookcase. About 20 minutes in, I picked up a stack of papers and flipped through them. What I found transported me back to a time when I thought I had things figured out. A poem I had written my freshman year; dramatic and naive yet hopeful about the future. I remember the moment I wrote it; looking up from the paper and setting down my pen, reading what feelings I had dared to put into this art. I loved it, and even though it was just a small three stanza poem worth five class points I felt proud of it and found a passion in writing.
It got me thinking about how high school influenced me and how it led me to find the things I love and the things that bring me joy. As a freshman I thought I knew so much. I thought I was beyond my years only because I was mature, but looking back I barely knew anything. I was a good student, I had good friends, and I was in soccer, track, and theater. I thought of myself as well rounded. I was sailing through that year perfectly fine; until I broke my elbow in a hurdle race. It was the highlight of my freshman year. I would never fully recover from it, and it ruined all chances of me being good at a sport again, but it was a blessing in disguise.
Falling in love with theater evoked one of the purest emotions I ever felt. Each year of high school made me realize how deeply I loved the art, and I was crazy for ever believing any of the sports I played served me better. In theater I was at least trying to look like a fool, in sports it wasn’t intentional. My sophomore year I got the lead in the spring musical; it was the most stressful time of my life, but so was being sophomore. It was the most academically taxing year for me. Adding track and theater on top of that exhausted me, but I ended the year feeling proud of what I had accomplished.
Then junior year hit. It was beyond difficult, but not just academically. I could only describe it as being deeply unhappy and having no motivation for anything at all; even acting was a task. The only thing that made me happy was choir. I found so much peace and comfort in singing with the people I admire. I felt welcomed and like I was a part of something special. Mrs. Walton, the choir teacher, instantly became one of my favorite teachers and a mentor of mine for my final two years of high school. Choir easily became one of my favorite things about school and helped me find all the motivation I lacked. Besides my mental instability, there were some parts about junior year that helped me realize I had to keep going. I still found passion and pride in the tasks I completed.
Now here we are; unlike that fourteen year old girl who walked into Poly for the first time in August of 2015, I finally have everything figured out. Senior year has been one crazy, beautiful experience. I am still making new friends and continuing to rekindle old friendships, making the best of the time I have left here. During first semester I was freaking out over graduating and thought that I would never make it, but that changed and I am beyond proud of myself. This year I got to fall in love with theater, choir, and writing all over again. I performed for the last time on the Littleworth stage, and in return found what I was meant to do with the rest of my life. I was insane to think theater wasn’t my calling. My days here are numbered, but I’ve accepted it and I am happy to move on.
Moving on to college might be difficult, but I am ready for it. I have to be ready. I have to let go of so many things and people that have been huge staples in my life for the past four years. If I am being completely honest, I am not leaving here with most of the information I was supposed to hold in my brain, but I will always remember the important stuff. I learned how to be empathetic; I learned to be resilient and to have patience. Through the stresses and heartbreak, arguments between friends and then forgiveness; I saw it all. I am so proud of my friends and I cannot wait to see them succeed. As for myself, I cannot wait to continue this journey into adulthood. I’ve grown like a weed as a person and I could not be happier with the results. It’s time to leave this awkward, difficult, strange, yet beautiful garden that is Poly High School.