By Leilani Orozco, Staff Writer
NIGHTMARE: Winter break was a struggle!
Greetings again humans of Poly High. It is I, Pepper the Cat. Winter break has been over for like three weeks now and I’d like to announce I have fully recovered from it. There are so many things I must tell you. My work around the house is never done! Winter break is my busiest season. With the Christmas tree up and lights everywhere, someone around the house has to protect my humans from the hypnotizing spells caused by the winter festivities. The whole two years of my existence I have had to prepare myself for the yearly brainwashing. Every year the humans get excited about putting a tree up and decorating it. It seems very suspicious to me. The tree, lights, and decorations hypnotize them into thinking they’re happy. I must remind them that their happiness comes from me and only me, not each other’s love and company. The only love they need is from feeding and grooming me. My struggle is real. Part of me thinks I wouldn’t mind having a tree in the middle of my living room if it were a real one, but my humans try to save trees by using a fake one. I think they’re just too stingy to buy a real tree. They should be ashamed of themselves. I did hear that the prices of trees have gone up significantly so maybe they were trying to save money to buy me a gift for my adoption day. Bah, who am I kidding, they were being stingy.
This year my humans decided to protect the tree by decorating it with ornaments of three different sizes and fake snowflakes. That isn’t even the worst part. I thought I was going to confront fragile ornaments like last year. Oh how the tables turned! The ornaments were shockproof! I was able to eliminate a few but it had its consequences. The tree and ornaments teamed up this year to double hypnotize my humans so when I attacked the tree and ornaments my humans got mad at me. Can you believe that! The first ornament I destroyed caused the mom human to run to me in order to make sure I was okay. I think that’s when the tree and ornaments did their evil, because the next day I destroyed another ornament only to be scolded by the very same mom human. It was so embarrassing! I had to call for backup so I became allies with the dog. I know it’s a far stretch, I was shocked with myself too, but what can I say, I was desperate for help. While the humans were doing laundry I had the dog sneak into the house and run to the living room! His mission was to bump into the tree to knock it down! I know what you’re thinking. “Wow! Pepper the Cat must be a real genius!” and don’t worry, I know I am. Thank you. However, my plan failed! The dog only got as far as the kitchen. It was such a disappointment. I guess that’s karma for teaming up with the dog. I had to take a different approach to dehypnotize my humans. I meowed as loud as I could and at the worst possible time so that they would remember who the ruler of the house is. It worked! I had them bowing at my feet by New years day. I spent the rest of the break sleeping and eating to recover all the energy I lost. It was a crazy winter break but I managed my way through it. That’s all for today humans of Poly High, but I must leave you with a message. Hurry up and fix this pandemic thing already! What’s taking you so long? I expect results soon or else!
Sincerely,
Pepper the Cat