By Crystal Leon, Staff Writer
BURNOUT: How to find out if your teen is mentally exhausted.
When teens push their family away, parents typically bring up the age-old saying “they’re just a teenager.” Parents often neglect to seriously consider what’s going on in a teenager’s mind, and whether or not they may be stressed, anxious, or depressed. Maybe that’s because most parents figure that since they give their children everything they need (food, water, clothes, and a roof over their heads) there is nothing to be sad about. But, when a teen becomes distant, reckless, or violent, these are not signs that can be ignored. Behaviours such as this can be early warning signs of depression or other disorders. More common signs of an encumbered mental state are problems at school, low self-esteem, smartphone addiction, or drug and alcohol abuse. Teens may also experience irritability, changes in eating, thoughts of suicide or death, and restlessness. If you see any of the signs, it is critical that you should talk to your child. Remember, however , to not push them if they don’t feel comfortable talking to you about their problems. Instead, do things that will make them feel like they can trust you. Fostering a trusting relationship with your child is the first step towards getting them to express their concerns.
Even something as seemingly benign as joking about death or suicide could be a red flag. Some teens joke about these topics to push away their real feelings. If you witness this behavior in your teen, talk to them about getting help. Ask them why they feel that way and if there is anything you can do to take away that sadness or the pain. It’s important to remember as parents that teenagers go through a lot, whether it’s at school or at home. As parents, it should be one of your priorities to know what’s going on with your child mentally and physically.
Seeing these signs in your teen may be overwhelming, but there are ways to help. Have a conversation with them without being judgmental or lecturing them. Listen. Very often, all a teenager wants is for you to listen without commentating on their feelings. Do not seek to answer their problems, instead guide them to find their own. Comments, while they may seem harmless, can cause serious harm by invalidating your teen’s feelings, so THINK before you speak. Teenagers do understand that parents do a lot for them, but sometimes, listening is better than fixing. Never tell your child to just “snap out of it” — their emotions aren’t that simple. When you tell someone who is confiding in you “snap out of it,” it is belittling and invalidating.
Last but not least, do not devalue your teen’s feelings with your childhood experiences. They understand that you had a hard life in your own way, but your problems do not cancel out their own. Whilst personal examples and experiences are a good way to show your child that they are not alone in their feelings, do not think that just because you went through an experience smoothly your child will as well. Not only are you different people, but times have changed, and their experiences are likely very different to yours. A person can drown in seven feet of water or seven inches of water — either way, they’re just as dead. No matter how small your child’s problems may seem in the grand scheme of things, they still deserve attention and help.
As children, , we are often taught to suppress our emotions in order to focus on “more important things” like school and careers. For men, emotion is a sign of lack of masculinity, and for females, it is said to be a sign of the “feminine panic”. This is likely a social response to the fact that expressing and understanding feelings is hard, especially when we are not taught how to properly do so. Parents, help your children by encouraging them to express their feelings instead of bottling them up. There’s never a better time to talk to your teen about their mental health than now. Having an open conversation about mental health will not only help your child grow emotionally, but it will also strengthen your bond with them. So, go talk to them. They’ve been waiting.