Editor#36
Before answering your question, I would like to assure you that we do not find answering any of our reader’s questions tedious or irritating. On the contrary, we appreciate and encourage them. Please feel free to ask the Advice Editors anything, and don’t worry; your question is a very good one.
Many shy and quiet-natured people struggle when it comes to relationships as they can be very difficult and nerve racking. Though it will be hard at first, you need to build up your courage and force yourself to be more comfortable around the person you like. Don’t try to avoid him or her, though you may find yourself tempted to do so. If you feel your face changing to the color of Santa Claus’s coat, or cannot seem to dislodge that irritating knot of emotions that builds up in your chest or stomach while in his or her presence, do not panic. Take a deep breath, calm yourself and control your thoughts. When you are cool and serene, make an attempt at starting a conversation. Try to keep yourself from talking too fast or stuttering, but if you do, don’t worry, he or she probably won’t notice unless you mention it. (Remember: the best way to keep someone from noticing something is to not mention it yourself. If you react to one of your slip-ups, then he or she will realize something happened. However, if you act as if nothing happened and continue to act normally, he or she might not notice and then guess what, it will be as if it never occurred! Perfect solution right there!) If you find yourself at a loss for words or conversation topics, try telling jokes or stories, or talk about sports, movies, games or even schoolwork if that is what comes to mind first. The objective is to get your crush talking. At first it may be hard but I can assure you, with time, the more you talk, the easier it will get. You will be able to have longer and more elaborate conversations, you won’t find your face acting like a chameleon and flashing through various colors, you will catch your breath easily and things will feel more natural. Once you find yourself in this position, where you no longer feel insecure around him or her, then you should suggest the two of you go out to see a movie or something. However, if you still feel too shy to be alone with that person, make it a group thing. The more the merrier!
The bottom line is that you need to make little changes to help you interact with your crush. Work gradually and at your own pace; time will help you. Good luck!