STREAKING: A letter to the amiable sirs who graced us all with a spectacular view of their hineys.
By Isaiah Murtaugh, Sports Editor
Dear Sirs,
Your recent performance on the 31st of September during a brief respite in the game was quite remarkable. I have never seen such spectacular speed as when the three of you darted across the field in your skivvies. You certainly should consider joining the football team, or at least the track team. Both would be blessed to have those snow white pistons at their beck and call. Please consider it. Poly athletics would be lucky to have you.
Second, there are those who ridicule you for your lack of guts. They say you didn’t go far enough, that if one streaketh, one must streaketh all the way, sans any shred of clothing. Humbug I say! Your actions took remarkable bravery. I would like to see them try it. And believe me when I say we were not deprived of anything by your so called “yellow-bellied” boxer-wearing.
Thirdly, there are also those in the establishment who say that your actions are reprehensible and that they’d like to string your heads from a pole. Again I say HUMBUG! Running across the field in an amusing manner is an integral part of the culture of high school football. No football season would be complete without it. May I bring to memory the famous “teddy bear hanging” incident of the King game of 2010 (sorry underclassmen, you missed it. It was quite fantastic).
In conclusion, dear sirs, I applaud you. If I had a medal, or a certificate of some sort, I would give it to you. For bravery.
My deepest regards,
Flanders McGillicutty
photo by Katelyn Largent/The Poly Spotlight