Written By: Holly Pulley, Staff Writer
DO IT YOURSELF: The classic story of a governor, a gun, and a “defective” hunting dog.
As the 2024 election nears, certain political figures feel the need to introduce themselves to the American people and gain respect amongst the general voting public. Some potential leaders hold press conferences or rallies; Kristi Noem, however, plans to release her own book where she shares her experience of killing her own dog, and how it made her a more respectable woman and American.
Kristi Noem is the current governor of North Dakota, a strong candidate for Donald Trump’s Vice President, and most recently, an animal-hunter specialist. In the governor’s new book – No Going Back: The Truth of What’s Wrong with Politics and How We Move America Forward – which will be released next month, she goes into detail about how she killed her 14-month-old wirehaired pointer, Cricket, because of her inability to be a good hunting dog. The puppy was going to be trained by Noem to hunt pheasants, so one day, Noem and her family took Cricket out to learn to hunt with some older hunting dogs they owned. She hoped that this experience would calm Cricket down and give her focus. Instead, Cricket acted like the puppy she was and went “out of her mind with excitement, chasing all those birds and having the time of her life,” according to the leaked passage acquired by The Guardian. Noem tried to calm Cricket herself with her own voice and an electric collar to no avail. Losing hope, Noem decided to take herself and Cricket home, but on the way, they came in contact with a neighbor of Noem’s family, and stopped to have a chat. Cricket escaped the family truck and did end up doing some hunting that day: by killing Noem’s neighbor’s chickens. Ironically, the North-Dakotan wrote that her dog was both “untrainable” and acted like a “trained assassin.” The dog also bit at her as Noem tore her from the chicken carcasses. Noem “hated the dog” and wrote that Cricket was “less than worthless… as a hunting dog.” After that incident, she realized the dog “had to be put down,” but not just by anyone – it had to be put down by her. Noem then explains that she led the dog to a gravel pit, and shot it – acting with honor and dignity. “It was not a pleasant job, but it had to be done. And after it was over, I realized another unpleasant job needed to be done.”
Now you must be thinking, “this lady runs a state full of people, and killed her own dog for acting like a dog.” Personally, I’m wondering why a wealthy woman with a more than stable job would ever need a hunting dog in the 21st century, but I digress, since the story does not end here. Kristi Noem, a current government worker leading an entire state, has killed multiple animals on her property. A “nasty and mean” goat that “loved to chase” her children was next on her kill list. She dragged the goat to its own gravel pit and took the first shot, but actually missed, failing to fatally wound it, and had to shoot again. Once she was satisfied, she found that some construction workers on her property had witnessed her first failure, whom then scrambled to look away from the scene once they had noticed her staring at them.
Noem has also put down a few horses, which is normal in farm life. The most insane thing about this public story is that she now is trying to manipulate the American people into thinking that her slaughters have made her a more well-rounded individual who would make great decisions for the country. Most people who kill animals for the feeling of control don’t turn out to be well-rounded individuals, but is possible that Governor Noem is the exception? The public has compared her to “Jeffrey Dahmer with veneers” and many have thought twice about making her the next Republican vice president since the novel leaks reached the American people.